Friday, December 23, 2016

Just Because

Meet my little sister, Mary. She's smart, funny, cute, athletic, basically this girl is what I want to be when I grow up. My favorite thing about Mary is she will always somewhat willing to try my ideas. When we were little she would be the first one to give my dreams a shot. Most of the time my ideas didn't work out. She got points in my book for trying though! We got to stow away to Disneyland this week. It was practically therapy (in the best kind of way). Before we left, I told Mary I really really wanted to attempt be one of those cute girls that relives their trip over and over again by making a video of it. At first she was skeptical. In the end, she ended up putting got together this masterpiece! I'm so thankful that we got to go on this Disney adventure just because.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Becoming a Cougar

GUYS! It's happening. I'm watching myself become one of those Cougar fans that I said I would never become. How has this happened?!!?

This semester has given me a run for my money. Between two internships, working at the temple, being a program director for 2 BYUSA teams, 15 credit hours, a few hours nannying a week, and doctors appointments, I'm swamped. ALL THE TIME. Social life? Do group projects in the library count? 

I am busier than every yet happier than ever. I've declared a major (public health as of 3 hours ago) and loving the classes that I've been taking this semester for my minor (nonprofit management). Most of my classes are centered around non-profits and social issues. Man, I love it. I've got a huge paper to write about vaccines in the middle east and I'm actually excited about it! 

My first semester at BYU was rough to say the least. I felt like a fish out of water 99% of the time. This semester I feel so much more like Carly. Even though I'm not good at taking a second to sit down and breath, I'm finding ways to have a purpose and be who I want to be, not who I think BYU wants me to be, who my eating disorder wants me to be, not even who my friends or family want me to be. I'm learning everyday how to be Carly! 
I owe a big part of the success of the provo life to my three incredible roommates. They keep the dance parties going. 

 This is my BYUSA team. They are kinda the bomb. Take a blue bubble bath was even more fun than it looks!

 At first I was very unsure about my ward. Once again, I am on the family history committee which I love! At the end of the summer I felt very strongly that I needed to put more of an effort into my calling. I've tried really hard to do that. As a result I've got an awesome committee that has made the family history of the Provo YSA 2nd ward come alive! It's been a huge blessing.

I don't know the BYU song yet but I'm actually proud to be cheering for my team, THE COUGARS. (INSERT SHOCKED EMOJI AND FLASHY HAND EMOJI)

Midterms are over and the second half of the semester has many more adventures to come. I can't wait to see what else BYU has in store for me! 

Sunday, August 28, 2016

When I'm with YOU!

I go a little crazy sometimes
Can you believe it?
Yeah, I swear I'm fine, that I'm alright
When I'm barely breathing
Thought I could find my way back home,but I get lost alone
But when I'm with you I'm no longer wandering

And when I'm with you, I swear I can breathe
When I'm with you, I know who I am and who I want to be

-Ben Rector

It's no secret that I'm 100% obsessed with Tucson, Arizona and Silver City, New Mexico. If you met some of my friends you would understand why. After three days of driving around like a crazy lady, I am completely exhausted yet, three days was not enough! 

Ben Rector summed up all the feels for the weekend perfectly. When I'm with you, I'm who I want to be. I made a lot of mistakes on the trip like mixing up the dates for the temple and almost getting us lost in the desert with no gas but.....I wouldn't have traded anything. 

This trip made me cry twice. The first was while my mom was asleep in the passangers seat as the Welcome to New Mexico sign came into view. I couldn't hold in how overwhelming it felt to be back. The second was the plane ride home. I was pulling up old pictures from my mission on my ipad and the new ones from the trip on my phone. Comparing the mission and post mission pictures was weird. I realized that the reason I love my misson so much is because it allowed me to figure out who I want to be. That's the magic thing about missions. You get to start over every 6 weeks or so with a new companion or a new area. Nobody knows you which means you can be whoever you want to be. When I'm with these people, I'm who I want to be and they are good at reminding me that they love me for it.

 Diana! She too crazy but I love her!

Christine was one of many miracles in New Mexico. We could barely keep up with her. She basically taught herself and gave us the credit. 
 My wonderful Lantz Family! Avery is getting baptized in two weeks!!!!!
 My Silver city ysa peeps! Ramon is receiving the melchizedek Priesthood today. I couldn't be more proud. When we started teaching him he was really dark and sad. He literally is glowing these days! 
 BILLY! I get texts about every other day from this man reminding me to have faith and be strong. He loves spoiling the sister missionaries. When he heard I was coming to Tucson he asked if he could take me boot shopping. I guess I always wanted to be a cowgirl! 

 We did get to visit the Priest family but I didn't get a picture this trip. 
Dinner with the Webbs! I wish I could find the one from my mission! It's hanging on their kitchen fridge :) I was describing Sister Webb as super mom to my mom then I paused and realized my mom and Sister Webb are practically twins. I don't know how they do it.

 Brother Griswold is the ward mission leader in Silver City. These people sure are sassy but they keep me in line and they really have my back.

Jicell! I could write a novel about what this girl has taught me. I think is the biggest one is that it's always best to be still and remember to have faith even in the stormy times. She calls herself a "Kool aid Mormon". All you have to do is add water ;)
Sandy is the reason this whole weekend happened. One picture is about a week before she was baptized and the day before I left the area. The other picture was this weekend when she was able to receive her endowment and was sealed to her late husband. I was blessed to be able to watch Sandy come closer to her Savior then and now. She is one that has taught me what an eternal perspective can empower you to accomplish.

Cassandra and Rudy. Will someone baptized these people already? Sister Dominguez and I spent countless hours answering their questions and baring our testimonies. I have no doubt that they know the church is true. I secretly have been praying that my next visit is for their baptisms. For now, I'll just hold their baby and love them to death.
 Stake President's family in Silver City. These people know all about creating a home that really has the spirit. I will forever treasure Sister Porter's cooking lessons and example. She runs a home 100% centered around missionary work.

 The Van Scoyk family! The oh so wise ones. They are all about helping me figure out a career and life plan. They tried to talk careers with me on my first day of the mission...I was just trying to figure out how to recite the first vision. They are the ones that really watched me learn how to teach as a missionary. Plus they gave me a few rides while I was in a bike area.
This is Minnie. I met her in my first area. She quickly became my little sister. We wrote my whole mission. I can't wait to write her while she is on hers. 3 years in counting until this girl turns 19!

Everyone that I met in my 18 months of service taught me something. Nobody comes close to teaching me more than the Passey's. I was called to their mission, not the Arizona, Tucson Mission. I needed them. They taught me how important it is to let the gospel be part of everything I do. They taught me how important it is to rely on my Savior. Through their example I learned who Carly Barton can be.
 Then there is Mama Sue. This woman is my rock. We did A LOT of driving this week which means I got to have a lot of chats. As people gave me advice this weekend, I would be thinking in my head...hmmmm Mom gave me that exact same advice at 1 in the morning as we were driving to our hotel last night. I had people taking care of me my whole mission but nobody was there for me like my mom was. I felt her prayers every second. I'm so glad I got to trek her across Arizona with my best friend. I know she had a lot going on at home. She sacrificed a lot to ditch the rest of the family for a few days. I couldn't be more grateful for her and all she does. She's my missionary.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Bear Lake!

Boating trips to Bear Lake are a tradition that I hope to make last forever. Our family is getting bigger and bigger which makes vacations that much more of a treat. Being able to spend so much time with everyone all together was a huge blessing. These three nieces of mine are hard to share with everyone else. I love Bear Lake, boating, and my crazy cool family. They are my number 1s.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Dating Ed

I have a ton that I want to say and I have no clue how to say it. This is probably going to be the longest blog post ever. Buckle up.

For the past 6 years I've been in a relationship with someone named Ed. It's not your typical relationship. I'm pretty sure daing in Provo sucks because I'm too busy dating this guy. Have you ever been forced to be with someone 24/7 that you really don't get along with? Maybe a mission companion that argues non-stop? Someone that is tagging along on a trip (houseboats can be killer)? Maybe even just the other girl on a double date? 

Nobody likes being around those people. That's how I think of Ed. He's that missionary companion that won't leave. He's the boyfriend that bosses me around. I'll break up with him for a month or so, then he'll come back even bossier than the first time. It's his way or a whole day of guilt trips and arguing. Obeying him is the easiest way to avoid the drama. I'm a people pleaser. I tend to try to please Ed first. That's the way it's been for about the past 6 years and that's how I fear it's always going to be. I'm terrified that Ed will always be there. Letting me know what he thinks is best.

Ed doesn't like it when I skip my workouts. He hates when I eat late at night. The guilt trips never stop when I eat something that he doesn't approve of. He doesn't like my body shape. His biggest talent is letting me know that he doesn't approve. The impossible task of keeping him happy is literally killing me. I kept Ed a secret for a long time. In my mind, he was helping me to become better. He was/is the most important voice and opinion. 

I know Ed's not good for me. I know he's a bully. Everyone tells me to break up with him. To get over him. Why do I let him boss me around? Why can't I just move on?

Are you confused yet? Ed is my eating disorder. He's been in my head since I was 15. It's hard to remember life without Ed telling me what to do. I've broken up with Ed many times. This time he's come back louder than ever. He tells me that I'm weak and that I don't deserve to be normal. Almost every minute of the day I'm having a conversation in my head with Ed. He's telling me that my workout wasn't long enough, the girl next to me is prettier, I am a failure, or that I'm the ugly duckling in the pictures. He tells me that my family won't understand so what's the point of telling them? That my roommates are too busy to care. That my nutritionist has no clue what she is talking about. 

You can imagine how this relationship would be exhausting. How do I break up with this Ed guy? That's the ultimate question. There is a book that is being passed around my family. It's called "Life without Ed". Ed hates the book. It makes us feel like everyone is reading my journal. It makes Ed scream at me even louder. My anxiety is through the roof. The only thing that makes him more mad is when I read the book. He REALLY hates when I do that. 

My mom read the book first. Suddenly she understood so many things that I didn't know how to explain. Suddenly she was signed up for my army. A little bit of the weight was lifted. Next was Sarah, she no longer sees that I can just get over this relationship with Ed. Another weight gone. All day long I've been getting texts from my sisters letting me know they are on a waiting list to read the book next. They are in line to join my army. I'm figuring out that people really do want to understand and help. They just have no clue how. My army is getting bigger and bigger. All I have to do is ask for help.

My mission president's wife is a very special person to me. Yesterday, I was able to talk to her on the phone for 1 hour and 8 minutes. She reminded me that the person who I WAS as a missionary wasn't Sister Barton. It was Carly Barton with a name tag. On my mission I was still a people pleaser. The only difference was- Everyone that I was trying to please (the ward members, my companion, the Lord, my mission president, my district leader) just wanted me to be the best missionary I could be. Now that I'm home, I have a lot more shoes to fill. I have to be a family history co-chair, a nanny, a student, a daughter, a sister, a roommate, a missionary, an aunt, a fun date, a good friend. All of a sudden I'm trying to be everything all at once and it's not working. I'm trying to do it all perfectly on my own. That's what Ed wants me to do. He want me to look like I have it all figured out and do it with a fresh coat of lipstick and a six pack. 

I'm done doing this on my own. That's my first little rebellion against Ed. I'm building an army and taking charge. No more messing around. No more keeping secrets. Anyone wanna join? It's open enrollment at this point.
I know it looks like we were all happy and giggles. Literally I was getting ready to freak out. I've never felt so sick to my stomach until I realized what I came to Logan for was actually going to happen.

Another big step down. Thank you Kalli and the city of Logan for helping it happen. I really hope this wasn't completely illegal.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Summer Camp

I love summer time. Snowcones, sunshine, boating, no homework. Who doesn't love that? The best part of the summer is always the week that I get to spend as a councilor at a kids summer camp. This camp is special to my heart for a million reasons. I love being able to take a week to escape the world of responsibility to help make 124 kids feel special. One of my biggest weaknesses is I get attached to people pretty quickly. My cabin of 6 year olds was no different.

It's a week of 100+ screaming children in a cafeteria three times a day, trying to write down all of their hilarious quotes, spelling things like "boys rule" with your booty as you try to enjoy your corndog, multiple applications of princess band-aids and sunscreen, cabin skits, finding love notes in your backpack, field games, zip-lining, side hugs, water balloon fights, sugar comas, archery, constant dehydration, a trip to the ER (oops), ENDLESS giggling, a plethora of crafts, rain storms and blistering sun, showering at 3 am, nightly campfire songs, med calls, rushing kids to the bathroom before it's too late, and various bedtime stories. My week of being part of the beautiful backyard bunny cabin was just the therapy I needed. 

I love feeling like a part of something. I love those seven crazy 6 year olds. When I got back from the ER, they were terrified that I was going to leave again. Hazel (my best buddy) didn't let go of me the whole rest of the week. These kids have been through to much. I feel blessed to have been able help them see how special they are. They sure are special to me. 

These were my awesome team that helped us through the week! 

Jordyn gave everyone in the cabin 2 jell bracelets. When I got back from the hospital, she told me I was lucky I was wearing them because they are magic so they make people better again. Thank goodness I had them! 

I have a hundred pictures of tiny humans that I want to insert here.....I wish I could share their smiling faces with you. Just trust me when I say. These girls are freakin' adorable. 

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Trouble Comes in Threes

Today is finally my day off. I have one day to rest until I'm off to summer camp. Naturally, I'm spending the day buying bug spray, going on a long run, and blogging. I am currently working about 10 hour a day. It's kicking my butt! It's a good thing by job is usually a good time. My roommates used to joke around and say that trouble comes in threes. My current occupation is even more evidence that their statement is true.

The boys have good and bad days. They are quickly becoming my best friends. They had more good then bad days last week which means we got to go to the pool on Monday! I tried to get them all to sit on the bed thingy for a picture. I had them all set up for a cute picutre, then they would bail right when the camera had 2 seconds left. Hilarious right? -___- Kids these days.

When one brother is at a friends house and the other one is inside sick, Oliver and I have bake sales. I have a feeling this is the first of many sales this summer. I've never seen someone so stoked to make a whooping $3.25 in 5 hours

It's always a good time when Megan comes to visit. My friend, Billy, told me this picture shows that we were meant to be clothing models. Somehow he decided that this picture shows that I need to go cowgirl boot shopping with him when I finally get back to Tucson. I can't wait!
Shortly after moving back to St. George, Megan started dating Garrison. He is a Wombats fan so we used the concert as an excuse to go on a group date and meet Megan's new St. George homies.. I knew 0% of the lyrics but that didn't stop the dance moves from coming out 100%.

(While I'm thinking about 3s. Shout out to Vince, Chris, and Matt. They will for sure never actually see this but that tri have really had my back and  made the past couple weeks so much fun.)

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Mama Bear

One of the biggest perks of coming to Provo is a get to see my mom way more than when I was in Logan. I get to text or call her every day but now we probably see each other about once or twice a week. I think I start every conversation with "Mom, I have a questions." or "Mom, how do I fix this." She's my therapist, role model, date doctor, tutor, pharmacist, and my number one go to. Nothing will ever come close to how grateful I am to get Sue as a mama. I hope some day I am half of what she is. She's taught me everything I know. I hate the fact that she is always right. One day, maybe I'll try always taking her advice and then I won't roll my eyes as much when she is right, yet again.

I will probably never give her access to my blog but I hope I will be able to find away to let that woman know that my life would suck without her. 

Sunday, May 22, 2016

One year older and wiser too??

I don't now how it happened. I'm already 21. Hopefully that doesn't mean I have to start acting like a real adult. I sure don't feel like one. The party will still go on! I'm planning on taking full advantage of being 21 for the next 365 days. This weekend was the warm up and then Kira and I are combining parties and having a fun party later this week!
 Since my birthday was on a sunday this year, Dad took me bowling Saturday night. He completely killed me. I was so grateful that I ditched the Provo plans to spend quality time with my best friend. I don't think Mark will ever realize how much memories of our one on one time really mean to me. After bowling, Mark stayed up until 2 am with me doing a puzzle. He didn't like me so much the next morning but we were both too stubborn to stop until that thing was put together!

My roommates joined me for Sunday dinner with the family. Chloe is getting really sick of me bringing strangers to Sunday dinner! 

  We were determind to be those cute roommates that people see on pinterest....yeah didn't happen. But we sure had fun getting all cheesy for the camera.

Overall I think I like May 22nd because it reminds me how blessed I am. I'm blessed to have such wonderful people that ALWAYS have my back. I'm blessed to be healthy. I've bee able to do so many things over the past 21 years that I know others wish for their whole lives. This past year I've eaten a rattle snake, returned home from serving a mission, run a half-marathon, continued my education at byu, learned how to speak in church without freaking out or preparing, and met life-long friends along the way. If 20 year old Carly Barton can do those things, I can't wait to see what I can accomplish at 21.